I Chose The Right Friends

I Hope He Hates Her

As Long As I am Alive

The actions of every girl everywhere could be explained by "she's just jealous."  So like.... "Carly is allergic to cheese" WELL SHE'S JUST JEALOUS.

I never did read The Witch of Blackbird Pond.

I Hate Patterened Underwhere

Sluts!  Smokers!  No one is safe from my youthful self-righteousness.  This time the target of concern is our beloved housekeeper Peggy, who smoked cigarettes, which I had been taught were VERY BAD and a GATEWAY DRUG and STINKY etc etc.  (We actually had an all school assembly one time with Christopher Nance, who was the local weather guy (double parenthetical - omg I just googled him and found out he was fired in 2002 for "menacing and profane off-air behavior"  !!!???  wtf that is so crazy), anyway he came and spoke to us in the gym and I vividly remember he said he would rather "lick a rat than kiss a smoker."  This image stuck with me forever and when I finally kissed a smoker as a young adult I thought "this is really not so bad and actually kind of hot" so yeah, drug deterrent fail SMES.)

Stay tuned for next time, when you'll learn what kind of "underwhere" I preferred as a 9 year old.

Precious Moments Diary Cover

Nuzzling with geese is always a precious moment.  Other precious moments include being a naked toddler cherub riding shooting stars, holding hands with other white children, scattering bird feed, obeying your parents, following your dreams, and having a gigantic head.

Early slut shaming, TV crushes, and other things that are "so cool"

Ah yes, the "imodest brat" on my AYSO team.  Her name was Shayla and she wore a hot pink leopard print sorts bra to every practice, which was bananas to me because I didn't even wear a jog bra at age 9. 

Then of course we get into my continued run down of which boys I think are cute - in this edition, an older boy is "sorta cute" but not as cute as "the first king in the Christmas Pagent (sic)."  Doogie Houser gets a shout out (an early flash of my total lack of gaydar), and of course Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell, who I call "Mark Paul." 

But for me it all comes back to "I love passing notes and soccer is so cool."  That so aptly sums up my state of mind as a fourth grader in south OC in 1993.  At that point, I had no doubt that I would grow up to be beautiful and smart and marry a rich man and have lots of children.  This was before I knew I was at least partially on Doogie Houser's team.

And for what it's worth, I still like passing notes and still think soccer is cool.  Non ironically.  I really love soccer.

Fourth Grade, Precious Moments Diary